I Need A Hero

I Need A Hero

“Where have all the good men gone and where are all the Gods?

Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

He’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight…

It’s gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet”

– Bonnie Tyler

I was having a discussion with a friend the other day when she happened to mention that she never married and was still waiting for her hero.

“What do you mean a hero?” I asked.

“Well”, she said, “it began when I was a child with the Cisco Kid, moved to Roy Rogers, Superman and presently, Captain America.”

“How will you know him when he shows up? What does he look like?,” I asked.

“Good question,” she said. “I’m not sure.”

I wondered if other women thought about needing a hero and what he might look like for them. My friend continued, “I guess I wanted to be saved.” Then she laughed…”but from what I don’t know.”

Hum, that made me wonder.

The vast majority of women’s definitions of a HERO can range from someone who kills spiders, fends off intruders, repairs leaky faucets, and listens to them without giving advice.

Thinking about my own previous non-compatible partners, I could see how a hero’s everyday characteristics are different for everyone. I wondered, do we need to be “saved” or just made to feel good about ourselves?

The first hero I can remember was my dad, working three jobs to keep us afloat. A man who could fix anything and who seemed never to be in a bad mood. But I also knew that my mother was never happy and would have preferred someone who was around more, someone who would fight with her occasionally, and be more affectionate. But I saw him through a child’s eyes — non-judgemental and idealistic. He was my hero when he picked me up and carried me on his shoulders, read me stories and laughed at my jokes. That was enough back then.

As I went over my adult list, I wanted someone who could make the ordinary things extraordinary! Someone who rubs my feet, makes my tea in the evening and gives unconditional love in all its glory, such as forgiveness and accepting my faults even when I find it hard to do that for myself.

“My music teacher was a woman and my hero. I adored her and everyone seemed to like her.  She is the reason I wanted to go into music, despite my lack of piano and voice training. My home life wasn’t ideal. My mother was very critical, giving me a very low opinion of myself which was reinforced by her lack of support for my admittedly impractical dreams of being a music major/teacher. ”

“My music teacher had it all — she could play the piano, sing, was married to another, very handsome, music teacher called Duke and had 2 children. I never felt criticized with her and in thinking about it now, I felt that in some way, if I had her life, everyone would like me too! I just wanted to feel loved and accepted.”

When we idealize someone, we want what they have, never knowing if it is right or healthy for us to have those things in our lives.

Heros are often found in ideal circumstances and situations that are not everyday occurrences. They are often people that fulfill a need we don’t even realize we have or people with whom we only share one dimension of their lives. They are often child-like and non-judgemental because we only see them from a “need” perspective. We need them for something — love, validation, respect, even money.

“Captain America, however, is another story!”