• 3 Steps to Successful Couples Coaching

    Step 1: What Is “Couples Counseling” Anyway? 

    Many people object to signing up for Counseling or “Counseling/Coaching” sessions. The usual reasons?

    •We don’t need it. That’s for other people.

    •We’re not that bad!

    •No one in my family ever needed help!

    •They (“practitioners”) are a bunch of loonies and only want your money!

    •I don’t believe in counseling!

    •I’m not going to change. It’s your problem, not mine.

    All of which translates into…”I’m afraid.”

    At one time women were the relationship keepers and were the first ones to reach out for help, but that is changing. Men are starting to make those calls more frequently now, but either way, people often wait until the last minute to get relationship help.

    But what IS help? How do we know we even need it?

    Let’s begin by describing a healthy relationship and why we even have them.

    We are meant to be “tribes” — meaning — as humans, we are meant to be with other people for physical safety, emotional sharing, and loving support. This is called a community and those who live among close communities, live longer, healthier and happier lives.

    Coupling is scientifically meant for procreation. And although it is our DNA that requests this order, it is our thoughts and sense of logic that chooses whether we have children or not. Still, the need to belong to someone — to have “a person” we go to for intimacy and companionship — is vital to our existence. And now, more than ever, with couples far from families and the high rate of divorces, we NEED healthy and stable couples.

    Healthy relationships are comprised of the following:

    1. Respectful Communication. Healthy couples have open and honest communication.

    2. The Relationship Is a Priority. The “couple” comes first. They consistently create time for each other.

    3. Realistic Expectations. They see each other as whole people, with strengths and flaws, and love each other regardless of their personality differences.

    4. Empathy. Partners are willing to see things from the other’s perspective and make their partner’s wants and needs as important as their own. Explaining to our partner how we feel about something that is uncomfortable to us or even drives us crazy will make the changes more likely to be heard and considered.

    5. Constructive Conflict. Conflict is seen as healthy and an opportunity to discuss differences in an open and respectful way. People in healthy relationships are willing to apologize when they do something intentional or unintentional that hurts their partner and are always willing to forgive and move forward.

    6. Intimacy (sexual and non-sexual). Healthy relationships have levels of trust and connection that are satisfying and comforting.

    7. Financial Responsibility. Couples share the decision-making about finances and how they will build their future.

    8. Flexibility. Partners accept change. They are proactive, flexible and solution-oriented.

    9. Sense of Humor. Healthy couples use humor to enjoy life and deal with the unsolvable differences in their relationship.

    10. Shared Responsibilities. There is a willingness to work together as a team toward their individual and mutual goals.

    NEXT: When to make the call and schedule an appointment to get started.

    Leave a reply:

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked*