3 Steps to Successful Couples Coaching/Counseling: Step 2

Step 2: Is Couples Coaching/Counseling Worth It?

{Read in 3 minutes} Time and money are usually the reason most people give for avoiding counseling as a viable solution to relationship issues (or for anything they are afraid of doing).

For example:

“We’ve been attending couples counseling for a while, but my partner is no longer interested. He believes the therapist is “just taking our money.” I thought we were really getting somewhere but now I’m fearful we will stop going just after I thought we were getting somewhere. What are your thoughts? How can I make him go?”

Couples are making a mistake at the beginning of counseling if the investment in their relationship isn’t equally important to both parties. Time and money are the usual excuses for returning to old destructive patterns of behavior that we unconsciously don’t wish to change.

Relationship problems are not considered a health issue, therefore, coaching/counseling is not covered by insurance. Couples must decide to invest in their relationship instead of in their divorce. It will most likely go that way if they don’t put time, money and energy into it.

The healthiest couples are the ones who work together on issues that are important to both of them and come up with a plan that they can implement. The goal is to become healthy individuals so you can have a better relationship as a couple. Embracing the strength and determination to achieve that goal is very important. However, couples work can be very challenging since each person brings his or her own personal fears along with them and the fear of what might be revealed.

So when should you make a phone call and set up your first appointment? Ideally, before you get married, but if it is too late for that, here are some things to look for:

1. When your arguments or conflicts repeat themselves with no resolution.
2. When you feel as if you are not being heard.
3. If there is ANY sense of threat against your physical, mental or emotional safety.
4. When you make an agreement and one or both of you break it without an apology.
5. When you don’t understand each other.
6. When there is no spunk in your marriage.
7. When you see yourselves growing apart.
8. When you both need to be “right.”
9. When you see any destructive patterns repeating themselves.
10. If you spend your time imagining your life without the other.

It is often more time consuming to work with a couple that have been married longer because they are more likely to avoid problems at the surface level. The sooner couples decide to work on themselves as a couple, the better. The longer they wait, the longer it takes to unravel years of frustration and dysfunction.

If your partner refuses to talk to a therapist, don’t let that stop you from getting your own help and guidance. Getting help for yourself can provide direction, empowerment, and healing for both of you.

Try “Couples for One” if your partner refuses to go.

NEXT: What to Expect in Couples Work.