Litigation is "fighting it out." Creative Mediation is "working it out."

It's hard enough when families break up. Litigation – legal fighting – makes it worse. Litigation is time-consuming, financially and emotionally draining, and hurtful. It's a system in which each side struggles to win at the other side's expense – and their own.

When couples litigate, they're not "allowed" to work together, but instead to work against each other. The court system almost turns them into enemies, and even the smallest, simplest, easy to resolve issues must be communicated through attorneys, causing delay, expense, misunderstanding and even hostility. "Win-win" becomes "win at all costs."

And the costs are high...financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Families are destroyed, and the costs are paid for generations.

Working together in the future for the benefit of the children is exceptionally difficult. People in transition are faced with expensive litigation fees, unnecessary conflict and unresolved anger and sorrow that manifest itself in moodiness, chronic illness, child behavior problems, unhappiness and depression.

Mediation, on the other hand, is a process in which former partners can collaboratively create a new, more positive post-divorce relationship that saves their resources, and serves everyone better – including "ex" and extended families. (Marriages can be mediated as well as separations and divorces.)

Creative Mediation is the collaborative process of establishing a mutually beneficial and workable relationship in the best interests of all parties.

Here at the Creative Relationship Center we offer a kinder, gentler way to help people resolve their differences... heal ... grow ... and move on. We are a leading edge relationship center that focuses on the relationships before, during, and after the mediation process — so that no one gets lost along the way, and everyone has the skill set they need to go forward with their lives.

Studies show that high levels of conflict between parents results in more emotional and behavioral problems for children. In fact, parental conflict is even more strongly related to children's adjustment problems than is their parents' breakup. Parental conflict has been shown to lead to aggressive behavior among children by teaching them that this is the way to handle anger. If they see fighting, they may want to fight or be victimized. If, however, they see two people being civil and respectful towards each other, they will feel more secure loved and proud of themselves and their parents.

That's why it's essential to reduce or contain the stress and conflict with the ex-spouse, which is a key element of the comprehensive Creative Mediation process.

Our unique Creative Mediation process offers a comprehensive solution to America's families' transitions. A core focus is on healthy parenting throughout the process. Parental behavior is the single most important factor in how children adjust to their parents breakup. How they handle conflict makes all the difference.

For couples without children, our process helps you learn from a "change of heart," to let go, and allow hurt, wounds, disappointment and disillusionment to heal.

The end result of a Creative Mediation is an agreement that both sides can work with and live with, without continual contention and fighting.

Mediation typically includes both partners along with a neutral mediator. The mediator's role is to facilitate communication between people in conflict, help them hear and understand each other, and negotiate a workable, win-win agreement or contract.

THE STARTING POINT: DISCOVERY AND EVALUATION

Mediation is not an event; it's a process. A successful Creative Mediation begins with Discovery and Evaluation, where you learn about mediation, and about your own goals and how they can be achieved. Then the Creative Mediation begins, which includes three phrases:

PHASE ONE: PLANNING AND PREPARATION.

Mindset comes first. An open space is created where the partners can listen without being defensive. A level of trust is established. Win-lose mentality is abandoned. Partners understand the big picture, the process, and their roles in the process. They are taught strong communication and collaboration skills. (See our article "Huh? A Family Guide to Understanding Each Other.") Preparation then includes gathering relevant paperwork and verifying resources like other family members. Ground rules and a "safe space" are established.

PHASE TWO: NEGOTIATION AND MEDIATION

During the mediation, points of conflict are discussed and win-win solutions are negotiated. Then the agreement is written.

PHASE THREE: FOLLOW-UP

This phase includes evaluation and follow-up. Individuals and family members learn to live with the new agreement. Additional issues that come up, and changes of circumstances, are negotiated and mediated. The parties continue to use their new communication and collaboration skills, and further develop them. New relationships are strengthened. This phase also involves working with underlying and residual issues through counseling, coaching, groups and other support programs).

***Please note that every couple has a different time line to complete the process. There is no specific amount of time that is required or necessary in order to complete your process. That is entirely up to you.